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These answers came from a group of 25 adoptive moms who are all doing their best to parenting with connection as a priority for healing.
By bringing my other kids to the park, watching my kids, going to an adoptive/foster moms weekend retreat!
By being open about their experiences, even if they were things I didn’t want to hear.
By asking how I was doing and caring about the answer.
By inviting me over.
By sharing stories. Sharing stories with other adoptive parents is the best ever!
By blessing us during our second adoption with a gift card shower and meals.
By having trainings at our church for the staff/workers. The parents of kids from hard places conducted the trainings and let them know about our kids.
By helping me learn to let go of my pride. I was isolated until I realized pride was getting in my way. I now share the difficult journey with folks who ask- Adoption IS MESSY, you know. And, I also had to ASK for support from the County! That has saved our butts at this point. Our kids are all still home and we are more than surviving- not quite thriving, but somewhere in between… and GOD is GOOD. ALL the time. Even when I cannot see past the biting, and cursing, and raging, and hitting, and hair pulling and spitting…
By finding and being safe women. Other than this group (a safe group for moms), I have a group of 3 friends who have all adopted. Although our daughter struggles a lot more than their kids, they all know her story, can be trusted with it, and help their kids help M feel safe. They are so rare. Basically find a couple of truly safe friends, and never let them go.
By pointing me to Dr. Karyn Purvis.
By reaching out to other adoptive parents when they’ve been identified in ‘general’ settings and making the first steps towards friendship. I still do that when I get the chance. I did it at Whole Foods last month.
By plugging in to these groups I found out about the different adoption retreats which was huge for me last year when I really needed it. I went to one knowing no one and I could hardly wait to register for the same one this year it was the best!
I have found information, support and a listening ear.
I would say those further along in their adoption journey. One family walked through adoption paperwork with us when it was overwhelming for us and “old hat” for them. The same family checked in regularly and was honest about their own attachment challenges. Another mom I’ve gotten to know later chuckles with me over the crazy of two boys 5 and 3 years old. She hugs me in the hallway every time she sees me at church. Her kids are teens, and she can see past my life stage. We have an adoption connection and an interracial connection. We’ve never talked about either. She just hugs me and moves on.
My first “community” was just reading through hundreds and hundreds of blogs written by members of the adoption triad. The education I received through the blogs gave me the foundation to know how to find resources once we brought child home.
That’s harder to answer for me. My first “adoption community” was online China adoption groups who were my greatest source of information both pre-and post-adoption.
How would you answer the question?