Common questions and comments among social media groups dedicated to connecting and trust-based parenting principles are inquiries such as:
How do I know if it’s a normal kid issue or attachment/adoption/trauma related?
My child is bonded to us, but she still lies/hoards/kicks/rages/manipulates…
How do you explain why you parent the adopted/foster children in your family differently?
When our family first was exposed to trust-based parenting, we had a lot of the same questions. To be honest, we actually thought it was way too permissive for us and way too “soft” for our engineering, cause-effect driven minds. However, when you’re desperate, you’ll try anything. Much to our surprise, trust-based parenting worked. The more we understood it, the more we embraced it.
We discovered that connecting is always best. Be careful not to interpret “best” as “easy” or “convenient” or “intuitive.”
It doesn’t really matter from where the behavior stems, connection first is always best. Connecting creates a teachable environment. Focus on moving forward toward the end goal of security and health attachment patterns.
No matter the attachment tendencies or security, behavior is trying to communicate something to us. Also, remember that certain circumstances can trump overall senses of bonding or safety.
Every child (bio or adopted) needs to be feel heard and connected. Frankly, trust-based parenting is our go-to for all of our kids–no matter how they entered our family. We’ve even started applying it to peer relationships. It’s just a healthy framework for successful relationships.
If you’re having a hard time adopting (no pun-intended) trust-based parenting, what are your greatest concerns?