Image courtesy of zirconicusso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
One of the best tools in a trauma parent’s toolbox is the re-do. It puts action (and hopefully muscle memory) to our corrective words. It occurred to me recently that I should be using them for myself. How often have I viscerally reacted to a situation only to escalate it to violence and dysregulation? In the aftermath of a trauma drama, I frequently reflect back and think of the ways I could have controlled a situation differently for a better outcome. I tell myself, “Better next time.” However, bad habits are not easily broken.
My quick sarcasm was hilarious in college but is detrimental in a trauma, non-English based relationship.
My intense personality and loud voice was great as a youth group leader but the worst enemy to my hyper-vigilant kids from hard places.
My confident, stubborn, fighter personality would have been great for politics…not helping diffuse anything with my other fighter.
Rather than beat myself up over repeated failed attempts at handling situations in a trust-building, connecting way, I am going to start allowing myself to do re-dos. Who’s with me?
Check back for periodical, real-life stories of parents who have re-done and lived to tell about it.